I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
