Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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