got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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