I need to stop coming to work sober
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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