Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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