If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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