saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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