It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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