I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
