Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
