Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
