Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
