i wish semen tasted like chocolate
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
