Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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