Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You ruined the universe
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
