Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
