Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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