Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
