i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
