Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
