My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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