Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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