it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
