Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
