i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My cat gives me a boner
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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