apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
