I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
