i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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