I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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