I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
