So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
