I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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