just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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