i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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