His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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