I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
