I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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