I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
