Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
