thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
