He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
