I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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