It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
