she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
