i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
