I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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