Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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