ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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