I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
