You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My feet surprised me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
