He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
