he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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