did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
