he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I will pee on everything he values.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
