And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
