I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
