Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
