I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
